So. I screwed up.
I think any fortune teller with a knack for good sense would have seen it at the beginning of last semester: Urvi, huddled on the ground, jobless and passionless about anything resembling work.
This, my friends, is called burn-out. It’s what happens when you try to do too many things in too little time and force yourself to believe that you have the abilities of a Do-It-All God. Kids, learn from me: Don’t do it. Don’t tell yourself that you can take a full semester of challenging technical college courses, work part time as a teaching assistant, write your novel, work on personal electronics projects, attend club meetings (for clubs that actually do work), and somehow manage to squeeze in multiple research projects if you’re still breathing after all of that. Because that doesn’t work.
And because I was silly enough to believe that it WOULD work (and that I would miraculously find a way to MAKE it work, because that’s just the way I am), I am now without a paying job at the facility I have wanted to work in for months now. And I regret it.
So, with dread and panic growing inside of me, I moved back to Cleveland last week, trying to remedy all the screw-ups I’ve accumulated over the last semester. I regret that I didn’t get my goals accomplished, so I’m going to fix it this summer. I don’t have a paying job anymore, but I’m volunteering my time at MeRCIS, simply because I want to. (It’s proving to be a beautiful experience.) I’m writing. I started a sketchbook. I’m still learning electronics. And I’m going to stop there before I completely overwhelm myself again.
I have never felt more liberated in my life, nor have I felt more scared of what this spells out for my future. I am relieved that I have a resume-building job, but panic-stricken about everything else.
So, my friends, I’m going to challenge you: Take a break this summer. Do something for passion. I am beginning to see a little bit more happiness now that I’ve started untangling myself from this mess to focus on pursuing my passion. I encourage you to do the same.
